one year later

Give me the strongest cheese, the one that stinks best;
and I want the good wine, the swirl in crystal
surrendering the bruised scent of blackberries,
or cherries, the rich spurt in the back
of the throat, the holding it there before swallowing.
Give me the lover who yanks open the door
of his house and presses me to the wall
in the dim hallway, and keeps me there until I’m drenched
and shaking, whose kisses arrive by the boatload
and begin their delicious diaspora
through the cities and small towns of my body.
To hell with the saints, with martyrs
of my childhood meant to instruct me
in the power of endurance and faith,
to hell with the next world and its pallid angels
swooning and sighing like Victorian girls.


I want this world. I want to walk into
the ocean and feel it trying to drag me along
like I’m nothing but a broken bit of scratched glass,
and I want to resist it.
I want to go
staggering and flailing my way
through the bars and back rooms,
through the gleaming hotels and weedy
lots of abandoned sunflowers and the parks
where dogs are let off their leashes
in spite of the signs, where they sniff each
other and roll together in the grass,
I want to lie down somewhere and suffer for love until
it nearly kills me, and then I want to get up again
and put on that little black dress and wait
for you, yes you, to come over here
and get down on your knees and tell me
just how fucking good I look.


One year changed everything –
Strength. Bravery. Gratitude.


7 thoughts on “one year later

  1. My heart is bursting with gratitude, love, pride and admiration for you! Welcome back, better than ever, true to yourself forever…my darling Alex, xoox !

  2. I think I’ve finally found a way to follow… Congrats to my beautiful sister and best friend… This is the day I prayed for for a long time but Ive always known in my heart you would fight and win of course, that is what we do! I love you now come home and let’s get up to that cottage to celebrate! Xoxoxo

  3. my ears are burning with tears, you are truly beautiful. I am grateful every day for
    you and I am forever proud of you. my heart soars for you. you are beyond inspiring. a true gift to this world. love always xo


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