fear and loathing

What are we afraid of?

Not being successful. Not living up to the expectations of others. Not living up to our own expectations. Not being smart enough. Not being pretty enough. Not being enough. And we have to be all these things because then we’ll be truly loved at last, right? To be loved the way we want and need to be; unconditionally and exclusively.

This fear of discovering that we cannot be loved – it’s universal. Which is good news because it means you’re not crazy, and neither am I.

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I used to think this fear was ignited because I was innately lacking. But this isn’t the case.

If anything, I overwhelm others – too much woman, too much passion. I live it out deeply and generously, and before long, I find myself in sequin rompers and fuschia lipstick and people look at me all could-you-possibly-tone-it-down?

Trust me, I’ve tried. Haven’t you as well?

I’ve tried hiding behind a woman I’m not for fear of appearing flawed or foolish or unlovable. And everytime, I’ve discovered that while my mind can pretend to be something I’m not – my body can’t. Just when I felt I had it all figured out and assembled, I’d find a piece of myself that had no place to fit.

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Fear is what stands in the way of allowing myself to live authentically, which is exactly what I must do to find the happiness and fullness I crave. So we are left with no choice but to face fear, instead of being polite and reserved to make other people feel comfortable.

Free yourself.

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