i’m gonna leave my body, moving up to higher ground

I instantly could not tell where it ended and I began. I closed myself so delicately. I grow tired of the endless whispers in my ear. That those inconvenient and encumbering human needs only plague me, that they must be hidden and denied.

I am no victim though. Forget that – we are victimized enough! What’s even more exhausting is the idea that this could swallow me, define me. The sheer energy coursing through my veins with that thought is enough to light a small Christmas tree.

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I forge ahead with all my weight weapons, throwing all the truths I can find at myself. And still sometimes my voice doesn’t reach me. I grow frustrated because I cannot wait to be free. And I tell myself that I’m nearly there. Today is the day I will wake up, reach for my toothbrush, look in the mirror and fall back through it.

This road is not a straight and steady path. So I will grow tired, but I will not lay down. Each day I will not expect miraculous endings – I will dare to challenge myself.

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One thought on “i’m gonna leave my body, moving up to higher ground

  1. This is so beautiful, yet exhausting. I can feel your weariness. We have days, weeks, even months that seem so much harder than others. I find that they can just spring upon you with no reason. I’ll be lying in bed before getting up and I can feel on my food anxieties dwelling. But they are not everyday anymore which I count as a big step forward. Keep strong dear. xx

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