It wasn’t long ago that I thought I had myself all figured out. I knew I was a daughter, a sister, a dancer, a student, a friend, a girlfriend – and my roles told me what I wanted. Or rather, my society knew what it wanted me to want, which made it easy for me to fit where I was supposed to. I had clear, quantifiable parameters I knew I could satisfy.
The reality is much more intricate. Like all things worthwhile, it requires hardwork and bravery to discover what you want. You get everyone’s ideas, but in the absence of your own, you begin chasing things. You cannot learn until you actually experience what you want. Taking risks and challenging your beliefs hasten it. Denial, inaction, and avoiding failure stifle it.
I may not know exactly what I want, but I’m learning what I don’t want…
– I don’t want to read more than one book at a time.
– I don’t want to always have to earn things that I like.
– I don’t want to be thinking about other things when someone is speaking to me.
– I don’t want to eat the same things everyday.
– I don’t want to tolerate when someone has hurt me.
– I don’t want to downplay things that I’m excited about.
– I don’t want to be embarrassed when my attitudes differ from someone else’s.
– I don’t want to care about being overdressed.
– I don’t want to be afraid of things that are not a threat to me.
– I don’t want to have excuses for not doing my nails, not having a bubble-bath, or not eating breakfast.
– I don’t want to look down when I walk, or a few paces behind.
– I don’t want to have a small family, or a home without pets.
What do you want?