big girl now

I am capable of many things. I live independently. I am a responsible kitty-owner. I have managed work and study, even outside of unexpected second jobs that come along with recovery life. People describe me as mature and responsible. They say, you seem much older than that.

Yes, I am so adult in so many respects.
Except one.

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In times of stress and pressure, it seems my very existence requires a great deal of planning. Basic needs. I mean, they’re basic for a reason. There is a total logical disconnect of which I have no control. I blindly follow along, moving myself through the motions like a puppet on a string.

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It takes immense courage and effort to treat myself gently, to nourish inside and out. Don’t get me wrong, if that’s the price of freedom – I’ll take two. But how can something so innately natural and human be so.. complex?

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3 thoughts on “big girl now

  1. thank your for your comment- i think you’re right…it’s so strange how we want to be the best at everything, no matter what. it’s frustrating as hell. and i totally agree with the puppet comparison- i call mine autopilot. sometimes i don’t realize what i am doing or eating or writing until i am halfway through completing the task. so strange. i hope you’re doing well. i am following your blog now, so i look forward to continuing to read your words. stay well. be nice to yourself today.

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