be your own valentine

Indulgent. Sinful. Being bad.

Since when did loving ourselves become confused with morality? We are quick to apply these arbitrary labels, based on… what? The things we enjoy and do for ourselves just don’t fit into simple categories like this.

Guilt too often defines how we experience ourselves. We issue a set of rules and restrictions that should not be broken. As our expectations approach impossible, we are left with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame. More often than not, we are not even aware enough of these rules to be able to articulate them, but are blindly driven by them. Insert drone-zombie-like behaviour.

Our restrictions don’t lead to feelings of pride or accomplishment, but elicit despair instead. We either fail to follow them exactly or have a sense of self-deprecation that is equally defeating. Shame tells us nothing other than that we are deeply flawed. We need to quiet our shoulds. Challenge yourself: Would you enforce these expectations on a best friend? It is always revealing to consider whether you would deprive or judge a friend so harshly.

We spend our lives feeling bad for this choice and that choice, on and on the litany goes. Do we really need to add pancakes to that list? Is breakfast really a moral issue? It is food. It just is. And it’s all good. That’s it.



7 thoughts on “be your own valentine

  1. Love it!
    We don’t do valentine’s with my bf. It’s just too fake for us. Why celebrate one day, when we have 365 to feast upon?
    And all of this you’ve written we should do every day too. ;)

  2. Pingback: Shame on Shoulds | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

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