the busy bias

Our society praises busyness. It equates being busy with being successful. If you are busy, then you are important, admirable and in high demand of others. Busy bees buzzing around here and there, chasing perfection, constantly working to meet and exceed expectations.

Is this not a totally biased perspective? To be a busy workaholic will certainly bring about results, but what’s the cost? Of course, doing nothing at all would not be correct.

Busyness can be guise for those who find discomfort in stillness. Sometimes we cannot fathom what would become of our lives if we just… didn’t. If we just stopped. Perhaps, we’d find ourselves feeling anxious and guilty in this state of being. Busyness can mask the emptiness we fear to find within ourselves because, of course, our lives cannot be meaningless is we are busy.

We must be careful of the difference here. A balance can be established between sitting idle and being constantly on the go. That balance is where we can be most effective. Most satisfied. We flourish.

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awareness week

a·ware’ness
n. (Noun)
state or condition of knowledge gained from one’s own perception or intuition.

One of the greatest weapons we can wield is self-awareness. To be introspective requires constant mindfulness, because our selves are always changing. Awareness grows and builds indefinitely. In every scenario, the first step you can make is awareness.

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Ignoring something never makes it go away. We can suppress our thoughts and feelings, collecting them like drops in a bucket that we can set aside from our consciousness. Eventually though, our unacknowledged feelings will overflow, and we find ourselves with no explanations for their origins and no skills to resolve them.

Years of suppression can create a large pool of unexpressed emotion that, when unmasked, can leave a chick feeling pretty out of control. Self-awareness is the ultimate tool for defense and protection. Emotional, physical, environmental – awareness.
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fear and loathing

What are we afraid of?

Not being successful. Not living up to the expectations of others. Not living up to our own expectations. Not being smart enough. Not being pretty enough. Not being enough. And we have to be all these things because then we’ll be truly loved at last, right? To be loved the way we want and need to be; unconditionally and exclusively.

This fear of discovering that we cannot be loved – it’s universal. Which is good news because it means you’re not crazy, and neither am I.

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I used to think this fear was ignited because I was innately lacking. But this isn’t the case.

If anything, I overwhelm others – too much woman, too much passion. I live it out deeply and generously, and before long, I find myself in sequin rompers and fuschia lipstick and people look at me all could-you-possibly-tone-it-down?

Trust me, I’ve tried. Haven’t you as well?

I’ve tried hiding behind a woman I’m not for fear of appearing flawed or foolish or unlovable. And everytime, I’ve discovered that while my mind can pretend to be something I’m not – my body can’t. Just when I felt I had it all figured out and assembled, I’d find a piece of myself that had no place to fit.

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Fear is what stands in the way of allowing myself to live authentically, which is exactly what I must do to find the happiness and fullness I crave. So we are left with no choice but to face fear, instead of being polite and reserved to make other people feel comfortable.

Free yourself.

one day I’ll fly away

You can never have too much sky.

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You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky, and sky can keep you safe when you are sad. Here there is too much sadness and not enough sky.

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Butterflies are too few and so are flowers and most things that are beautiful.

another day, another dollar

Everyday is different for the marketing intern. From inception to execution, I love sinking my teeth into the campaigns.

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Especially when it brings me all around the city, shooting videos of esteemed chefs at their high-profile Toronto restaurants.

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Sampling their decadent creations. I think it may have felt even better than it tasted.

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Liaising with clients and smiling with coworkers between bites. Free. Peaceful.

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All before 11 am.
(and still finding space for lunch).