wolf in sheep’s clothing

How do you know if something is good or bad? It seems a simple question, but this is a task at which humans are notoriously inept.

We would say that something is good if we like it. If it makes us feel pleasant and comfortable. Maybe even safe, happy and secure. Bad things bring us discomfort. They take away the things that we like. Bad = pain, confusion, anxiety.

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The trouble is that good and bad mean different things to different people, at different times and under different circumstances. Cue: Conflict. Plus, sometimes good things wear disguises and present themselves as challenges, only to turn out absolutely and completely amazing. On the other hand, we do things that feel good and comfortable that prove to be unhealthy and destructive in the long run.

I spend all kinds of time paralyzed by fear of doing things that are actually good for me because they bring feelings of anxiety, vulnerability and stress. Avoiding these things is a quick fix to feel better in the moment, but actually does no good at all. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A security blanket. I can build myself upon these unhealthy things disguised as good, until the ground collapses right under me and I find I’ve gone nowhere.

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Letting go of the security blanket means doing stuff that doesn’t feel good. It means walking up to the big, bad wolf and staring it right in the eyes. This just isn’t human nature – Think of all the people in the world sticking to bad relationships and unhealthy habits, like smoking – Letting go is a process.

Realizing this limitation actually brings me a sense of peace. I know that avoiding the right path because I am afraid will never allow me to achieve my dreams. I can cast my fears aside by accepting that I don’t perfectly understand good and bad, and I’m not intended to. I can trust that my life’s trajectory is headed toward freedom and peace, and align myself with the inherent goodness that is faith.

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if people were rain, i was a drizzle and she was a hurricane

The thing that makes you exceptional,
if you are at all,
is inevitably that which must also makes you
lonely.

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Hansberry

teach me how to feel

Half of me is so madly in love with humans. I admire them with passion and curiosity.

And then, the other half is so embarrassed by their crippled deficiencies at life. Mulling about with loveless incompetence. Spending their days in total emotional illiteracy, failing to ever learn tenderness and grace toward others and, more frighteningly, themselves.

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Alex

limitation liberation

Have you considered that, since you have endured hardships and plague, you are able to feel things that other people cannot?

Are there hidden strengths and gifts in the burden you bear?

Perhaps, the people who have battled through lows can experience deeper joy than others. They have experienced the depths of their despair, accepted it as part of their purpose, and allowed their souls to move forward.

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maybe these are my glory days

What do people mean by “the glory days?” I’d wager a guess they’re not referring to the days of no electricity and woollen underwear. More likely, they’re talking about paying 10 cents for a candy bar and when milk was delivered to your house in glass bottles. So no, I don’t remember those glory days, I wasn’t alive. I do, however, remember Nirvana.

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How about the glory days of Primary school… Remember when you’d try to raise your hand higher than everyone else? Remember double-dutch at recess? Remember that time you got a pizza party because you and your friends were such great hall monitors?

When did it stop being cool to be a hall monitor? Maybe that’s when people stopped paying attention. People stopped moderating their self-pity and ignorance. We never stopped having ideas of what is right and wrong, great ideas of success and empowerment. But we stopped noticing our blessings. We stopped monitoring our choices and actions, and how they influence our surroundings. We stopped seeing the link between ourselves and our goals, our decisions and what we believe in.

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I want to see every day as part of my glory days. I want to observe the beauty of life around me in its complexity, the complexity of its simplicity.