your army – a weapon

**This is the second post in an ongoing blog series, featuring some practical tools and activities. Fill up your arsenal, build your team, and collect your weapons for recovery.

*****

Negative thoughts and behaviours live in and breed isolation. It is a silent struggle, fueled by stigma and secrecy. Undeserving. Shameful, Futile… With conviction, the list of reasons for solitude will condemn you to a corner. Here, you will find yourself without the tools you need to battle.

20130314-115343.jpg

Let’s switch paradigms. Let’s reclaim some control and hope.

Backed into a corner alone is exactly where it wants you. This is a slimy and manipulative enemy that targets you when you are weak. Blitzkrieg style. Exposing yourself takes away some of it’s power. It writhes and cringes and stings in the broad daylight, surrounded by support and positivity.
Be prepared to feel vulnerable – this is a trick it will play. The oldest trick in the book. But remember, shame and blame cannot be tackled without awareness, understanding and support.

Your army is already waiting to be recruited. You’re not alone. Grab a pen. Write down some names and phone numbers:

…the one who is a good listener
…the one who doesn’t listen, doesn’t ask questions, and is an entertaining talker
…the one who doesn’t know any of my other friends
…the one who doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, but tells me what I need to hear
…the one who is up for anything and doesn’t need two-weeks notice to grab a latte
…the one who is awake at unreasonably late hours of the night
…the one who can make me laugh
…the one who lives nearby
…the one who will support me no matter what, possibly because they are genetically obliged
…the one who can relate
…the one who will make me go out and do something fun
…the one who is actually not a human, but is either a pet or imaginary and thus, has no phone number
…the one who gives amazing advice

20130314-115549.jpg

Advertisements

this little piggy

One will wither away. One will remain chronic, managing a half-life of nagging abuse and constant vigilance. And what of the other one?

I don’t have the magic words. I am not exceptionally clever, or powerful, or manipulative. I did not discover a secret key to a secret garden, or mix some supernatural potion. I did not walk out of those doors fully cured. It just didn’t hurt to sit down anymore.

I am alive. I plan to be for a good while – I am finishing my degree, I have fulfilling relationships with family and friends. I treat myself gently and with respect. I have enough love inside me that I can afford to offer it to someone else. Someone deserving, who thinks I’m deserving.

I cannot choose the course of life. I can choose to have faith and be fiercely real. I can choose to exist in even-mindedness, self-awareness and peaceful disposition.

20130115-153837.jpg

gratitude

I didn’t really smile anymore. Slowly came the epiphanic moments that intermittently lit me up again. Surprising at first, until they grew more and more frequent. How easily those tiny moments of happiness can slip into the mundane. We tune it out, rather than allowing ourselves to feel gratitude dance through our beings. We forget that once our survival needs are met, the surplus of other things have little impact on our inner sense of well-being. What matters is the intensity of our attention to what we do have in life. I want to concentrate on my blessings and remember to feel the good in each day.

20120829-072331.jpg

idle hands are the devil’s workshop

The weekend arrives with the promise of sunny skies. I’ve made plans to keep busy with friends and enjoy the city.

But today, there’s that feeling. It’s not always there, it ebbs and flows. Peaks and valleys. With no rhyme or reason, there’s simply an emptiness. I can be surrounded by opportunity and convinced that it’s fruitless, or be at a table of friends and feel completely alone. All I want to do is close up, lay down, and let it wash all over me.

It’s times when I feel the most like loosening my grip, that I need to hold on the tightest.

20120720-191747.jpg

So, I’ll allow myself to have my moment. I can spend a night quietly listening to music and organizing my books by colour reading. But then, I’ll pick myself back up and get out there. I will make a batch of my favourite pasta, keep myself busy, go out with my girl friends, laugh, and be present. I will live.

How are you keeping busy this weekend?

i’d like to thank my mom & i wish for world peace

Writing brings me a lot of peace and satisfaction. I’m relatively new to the blogosphere and I’m really grateful that some people have discovered my story. Especially the 2 bloggers who nominated me for these little tokens. And Elly, who also nominated me and I didn’t realize was following, but probably didn’t know I’ve been loving her blog for quite some time too.

20120712-201123.jpg 20120712-201236.jpg

These badges mean that I must
a) Link back to those who nominated me
b) Tell you 7 things about me
c) Nominate a bunch of other great bloggers

And so…

1. I believe everything happens for a reason.

2. I eat chocolate everyday.

20120712-201325.jpg

3. I have a weakness for sequins. I want them. All of them.

4. I want to marry Jason Segel. I just feel like we’d get along, and that he’d like hanging out with me too.

20120712-201407.jpg

5. I hate diet-talk with a fervent passion I usually reserve only for paper cuts, Nickelback, and my father.

6. I’m on the market for a pet hedgehog.

20120712-201452.jpg

7. I love reading and I love poetry. Good books and poems can be better company than some people.

8. My sister and my mom are my best friends.

20120712-201529.jpg

You may have noticed those were eight things about me, but seven is a horribly uneven, prime number and eight is just better.


To keep the chain going, I recommend 13 blogs that I can’t get enough of. I read these blogs all the time and you should too:

My fellow Torontonian, Jen, with whom I seem to have a lot in common and fights the good fight – Little Love Life

Rachel, who is always forward moving, full of positivity and gratitude – Palate For Life

My brave and brilliant cousin, who just started a blog of her own – Chronically Real

The beautifully written blog, and the girl who has offered me lots of kindness and encouragement – The Breakfast Diaries

One of the bloggers who’s words spoke to me long before I started blogging, and who’s inspiration I’m more grateful for than she knows – Learning To Listen And Trust

The sweet-as-honey, Andy, who’s blog reads like a poem and is full of light – Baby Steps; Serendipitous Mornings

This positive blog by CJ, that inspired me during a time in my life when not much could – Healthy Happy Whole

This girl’s spirit and positive perspective, who’s strength and musings are totally inspiring – One Girl Army Strong

Karina, whom I’ve been following before I started a blog of my own, and has given me motivation and the ability to have a laugh at myself – Like Some Cat From Japan

The strong girl who brings positivity to a movement that often doesn’t keep a hopeful spirit – Mind Running Wild

The girl behind the camera, who posts gorgeous photos and whom I’d love to learn more about – Smiles Can Be Catching

One of the bloggers who inspired me to get started, Elise, and who has a healthy perspective on all kinds of things – Hungry Hungry Hippie

This blog that I keep finding myself reading, with really awesome pictures and ideas – These Things Are Fun

♥♥♥