wolf in sheep’s clothing

How do you know if something is good or bad? It seems a simple question, but this is a task at which humans are notoriously inept.

We would say that something is good if we like it. If it makes us feel pleasant and comfortable. Maybe even safe, happy and secure. Bad things bring us discomfort. They take away the things that we like. Bad = pain, confusion, anxiety.

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The trouble is that good and bad mean different things to different people, at different times and under different circumstances. Cue: Conflict. Plus, sometimes good things wear disguises and present themselves as challenges, only to turn out absolutely and completely amazing. On the other hand, we do things that feel good and comfortable that prove to be unhealthy and destructive in the long run.

I spend all kinds of time paralyzed by fear of doing things that are actually good for me because they bring feelings of anxiety, vulnerability and stress. Avoiding these things is a quick fix to feel better in the moment, but actually does no good at all. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A security blanket. I can build myself upon these unhealthy things disguised as good, until the ground collapses right under me and I find I’ve gone nowhere.

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Letting go of the security blanket means doing stuff that doesn’t feel good. It means walking up to the big, bad wolf and staring it right in the eyes. This just isn’t human nature – Think of all the people in the world sticking to bad relationships and unhealthy habits, like smoking – Letting go is a process.

Realizing this limitation actually brings me a sense of peace. I know that avoiding the right path because I am afraid will never allow me to achieve my dreams. I can cast my fears aside by accepting that I don’t perfectly understand good and bad, and I’m not intended to. I can trust that my life’s trajectory is headed toward freedom and peace, and align myself with the inherent goodness that is faith.

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if you call one wolf, you invite the pack

I’m an intelligent chick. I learn quickly and make rational choices to stay out of trouble.

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Still, every now and then, a negative idea will pop up. As if it was planted there by some external force. It stands alone like a weed in a garden of all the other thoughts and feelings that bloom in my mind. Many of these ideas are easily debunked by my rationality, quickly plucked from the garden and discarded.

Many aren’t so easy to get rid of. Sometimes, I remove them only to find they have bloomed again the next day, in the same place or somewhere totally different. These peskier thoughts activate my negative mind and like to stick around for awhile.

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Instead of being quickly removed by my rational thinking, these manipulative weeds seem to harness my strengths, capitalizing on my intelligence and excellent vocabulary. Suddenly, I’m negotiating with them, wondering what would happen if I simply left them there. This kind of upkeep requires a lot of work and I grow tired. So, what if I just left one maladaptive thought? Maybe I could take comfort in its small presence without allowing it to take over…

We can’t. It breeds. It grows. Allowing one thought to take root is letting others sprout up around it at impossible rates. We must remain vigilant, strong and positive. And, if anything, one step ahead.

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all we ever have is now

Mindfulness is like magic.

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In surrendering ourselves completely to the present moment, we give up all human notions and compulsions to try to improve ourselves, and simply realize where we already are.

We accept our invitation to the inescapable adventure of life as it happens, with each singular moment that passes. There is an incredible urgency in the present moment when we allow the past and future to drift away. Right now is all we have for certain.

Humans naturally resist and force against the present moment;
With each thought that arises, judging it right or wrong. Or, with each physical and emotional sensation, counting it as pleasant or unpleasant.

The magic of mindfulness lies in sacrificing the slipperiness of longing for change, wanting and evaluating. Accepting each moment that arises with its thoughts and feelings, because they are already occurring.

Lying in the grass.
Fighting only the air.
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learn to let your light out

Some days I wake up and all I feel
are the fractures in the flesh that covers the only me
I’ve ever known.

Some days,
it’s those exact fissures
that let the light hiding inside me
pour out
and cover in gold
everyone that found enough beauty in the cracks
to stand close.

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Tyler Knott Gregson

i exist as i am, that is enough

Night rolls around and it all starts making sense;

There is no right way,
Or wrong way,
You just have to live.
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So, I do what I do,
And at least I exist.

What could mean more than this?

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