give back your heart, to itself

The time will come
When, with elation,
You will greet yourself arriving
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at the other’s welcome.

And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine.
Give bread.
Give back your heart
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
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Derek Walcott.

one for me, one for you

Opening and giving to others is a movement that starts and ends within.

In order to offer our love to others, we need to first give to ourselves. Does that sound paradoxical? It’s not. The amount you can give is directly proportionate to the capacity of what you are.

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When we pause for a moment in stillness, we become instantly more self-aware. Oh, there you are. We are present and able to see clearly the most important character in our lives – ourselves. Our “selfs.” Are we really paying enough attention to this person?

Taking good care of yourself seems easy, right? You just do it. Of course. How simple. Except it’s not. Because until you actually accept and understand who your “self” is, it’s pretty hard to actually love it. We do this by simply being present with ourselves. Discovering our needs and filling them, just by asking, “what is it that I need right now?” Taking our time, taking what we need. Offering basic compassion. Nourishment.

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When we are filled with self love and approval, we are better able to give. What’s more is that we can give from an authentic and meaningful place. We can continue thirsting to offer more of ourselves, but without internal neglect, mindlessness or deprivation. We can channel our motives for avoiding focus on ourselves and learn that we can give not to fill a void. That void is filled with peace and love from within, not without.

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love right now

Love isn’t a state of perfect caring.

It is an active noun,
like struggle.

To love someone
is to strive to accept that person
exactly the way he or she is,
right here and now.
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Fred Rogers

learn to let your light out

Some days I wake up and all I feel
are the fractures in the flesh that covers the only me
I’ve ever known.

Some days,
it’s those exact fissures
that let the light hiding inside me
pour out
and cover in gold
everyone that found enough beauty in the cracks
to stand close.

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Tyler Knott Gregson

gimme gimme never gets

Inside is a fiery thirst for progress that is unbending and insatiable. There is no disentangling progression from perfection, and both are always just a little out of reach. There is no negotiating. If I allow an inch, I would take a mile.

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There is a repulsion of anything that resembles narcissism and indulgence, dependence and weakness. Until even the gestures for self-assurance seem… wrong. I sweep up all the crumbs of courage and self-love. My quest to be the least consuming has made me the ultimate consumer of myself. There can always be more, faster, harder.

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Wanting more comes naturally to us humans, whether is it money or status or stuff. In fact, this drive for progress has led to our major advancements and accomplishments as a species. But, always wanting more means never having enough and never being satisfied. It’s really that simple.

I want everyone to find dignity in their vulnerabilities, and be satisfied from the inside out. I want to learn to be more gentle and content with myself.

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Alex